I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
