You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
