I'm so fucking centered right now
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
