onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
even my farts smell like vagina
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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