Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
