I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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