O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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