never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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