so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
