the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
