Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nicole vs. Life
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
