Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
