don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
