my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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