Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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