Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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