If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i drank out of a bidet.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
