I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
