dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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