brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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