i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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