that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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