My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
