you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
