Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
