don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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