Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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