There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
