I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
