Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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