I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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