well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize