yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
