at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
