I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
