OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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