Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
