No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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