the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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