Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
