shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My bed smells like the plague
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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