I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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