we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
