I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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