yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As shirtless as possible
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
