Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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