meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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