His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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