Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
