This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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