the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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