It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
