It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
