Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
