just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
