thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
