i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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