she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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