You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
