I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
