WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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