Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
