He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Come on in and take your pants off
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