Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
