Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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