woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
