i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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