he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
