You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we're making bets on your personal life
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize