WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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