then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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