Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize